SELF LOVE is challenging for many women. I deal with this subject as a trainer of females and as a female myself. Why do we constantly judge ourselves or compare ourselves to other women? Why do we request validation from others to make us feel ok with the way we look?
JUDGING how we look on a daily basis is not healthy. I'm giving you permission to get off your own back for awhile. If you are not happy with the way you look, ask yourself what makes you feel that way. Is it a vision of your previous self that you want to acheive or are you simply COMPARING
yourself to other women?
I had a killer body years ago. Even after having my daughter, my body bounced right back. After my son, it is different. I've accepted that my body has to change and age. My once tight and plump skin has changed over the years. My ass is not as bubbly as it once was and my skin on my stomach is not going back to its original tightness.
My skin has started showing signs of too much sun. My face is getting wrinkles. My HUGE forehead is still huge and now has creases that age me.
As I'm saying all of this, I'm sure some of you that know me are saying, "What is she talking about, she looks fine."
Everyone else is thinking the same thing when you point out all your flaws. And are they even FLAWS?
Is there a standardized body type that we should all be trying to acheive?
I'll admit that when I see a client, I judge them. It's actually my job to do so. But it's not about some unrealistic standard that I am comparing. It is about
And that is the only thing that should be judged. Yes, maybe you are not as thin as you once were. Maybe those beautiful babies that you birthed left you with some battle scars. Those things do not factor into your health. All of those things I listed about myself are superficial and vain. None of them affect my health.
I recently had a client come to me and request to lose a little around the middle and improve her butt and thighs. This client was 20% body fat and in a healthy range on all of her measurements. From my perspective, she looked beautiful. But to her, it was devastating that she had a little extra here and there.
Most women would kill for her body. But her image of herself was skewed because of her emotional attachment to her own body.
How often do we ask our significant other that one question? "Do I look fat in this?" We are seeking a validation. But how many times do we hear what we want to hear, but still think we look bad? We may even think that we were told a lie to prevent hurt feelings. We are so convinced of how horrible we look, that we can't accept a compliment. I've been there myself.
We can't expect others to help us improve our self-image.
WE HAVE TO LOVE OURSELVES AS MUCH AS WE WANT TO BE LOVED
If not, we will never be ok with ourselves. We will seek constant validation that will be given in vain.
ACCEPT WHAT WE CANNOT CHANGE
Give yourself permission to love yourself and know you are worthy!
I honestly don't get asked this question very often. I am sure that, because of my size, most people assume that I am doing it stay looking fit. The truth is, that is not my top motivition anymore.
It doesn't seem that long ago that my vanity and self-image was my driving force. I was 5'2 and 95 pounds in high school. I am simply genetically small. To most people that would seem like a great problem to have.
It does exist. I was told be some people that I was too skinny. I was made to feel self conscious about wearing a tank top because I "looked gross". I wish I could say that my self-image was good enough that it didn't matter what others said, but that is not true.
After high school I started working out at a gym and started liking what I saw. I was gaining some weight and gaining muscle and it helped me to not look so skinny. But even then, I was still called skinny ALL THE TIME!
Even when I was at a healthy weight, I was viewed as under-weight. It really is just as bad to feel too skinny as it is to feel too fat.
THEN I REACHED THE, I DON'T GIVE A S**T, PHASE OF MY LIFE
As I have aged, I don't care that my body does't please someone else. Who cares? I am happy with how I look. Even with more wrinkles and aging skin, I am happier with myself now than I was when I was younger. Ironic isn't it, that when I looked my best, I didn't appreciate it. I am a strong 41 year old woman with 2 children and battle scars to prove it.
SO WHY DO I STILL WORK OUT?
I work out because I love a challenge. I have always been driven. I want to be that woman that is still moving like I'm 50 when I'm 90. That is a challenge for me. I love feeling strong and confident. I love surprising people with my accomplishments. I often suprise myself. Even when I have encountered road blocks, such as my pacemaker surgery, I still had 2 good legs and 1 good arm to work out.
It makes me feel so much better. When I don't work out, I'm more tired, stressed, depressed, and have more musculoskeletal aches and pains.
I also have great people in my life that motivate me. One is my husband, who is always wanting me to do my best. I also have numerous friends at my crossfit gym that push me. Yes, I go somewhere else to work out even though I have everything I need at my studio. It is because of those friends that I try harder. See that woman in the background of the above picture? She is 60 years old. She kicks my butt with any endurance workout and we are fairly close on our strength abilities. Impressive that a woman 20 years older than me is in such good shape. That's what I want!
FIND YOUR MOTIVATION
Most people don't really enjoy working out. But those that go regularly will tell you that there is a motivating factor for them. It may be to eat more or look good. It may be to feel good. Whatever the reason, it is something that works for them.
MY ADVICE FOR THE DAY
Find a motivating factor that is all yours. It can't be what someone else wants of you. It has to be a true driving force. I know it is hard sometimes to want to make time for exercise. I understand that 10 minutes a day can seem overwhelming in an already crazy life. But I hope that you might be willing to take some baby steps to get you on the right path. Exercise can be a life-changer.
I'll be the first to tell you that I was wrong. So very wrong. Let me tell you why. For many years I believed that milk was so bad for you. It was inflammatory to our bodies. It is not natural for any animal to drink milk after early childhood. It is cruel to the cows.
My new belief
How can anything bad come from something so cute? Right?
I think just like anything man gets his hands on, milk can be ruined. Let's leave it alone in its natural state and maybe it's not so bad. Maybe it is even a really great thing.
Many years ago, I had a patient tell me that his allergies were helped by raw milk. I was intrigued but not enough to try it. I heard about it again from another client years later. All the while, I was also hearing the negatives of milk. So I still didn't give it chance.
Why the heck did i wait so long?
About 2 months ago, I went to a local dairy farm and bought 3 gallons of raw milk. I wasn't sure what to expect. The taste was great. I also found that I felt better about myself in just choosing to get the milk from a cow in the pasture and not a "prison".
So what happened next you ask?
I have horrible allergies in the spring. Usually starting in March, I will keep my windows and doors shut. I almost always have to fight off a sinus infection.
NOTHING has EVER helped!
I did not have any allergies this spring. I mean zilch, zero, nada.
I have even been able to let my cat sit in my lap without sneezing.
milk cured my allergies
That's all I have to say. Believe me or not. Try it or not. But I would recommend giving it a try. It sure won't hurt.
And if you need some more convincing, check out Dr Axe's info. He has some great research backing it up.
This time of year, I usually post something really inspirational or talk about steps to setting smart New Year's Resolutions. I should post photos like this one, saying that it is possible to lose weight and you can do it!
This year, I've decided to approach the New Year with being completely blunt. Being healthy is hard, losing weight is hard, and staying on track is even harder. Don't believe anyone who is telling you otherwise.
LOSING WEIGHT IS A BUNCH OF BS
Here are 5 of the biggest BS weight loss myths
1. ANYONE CAN LOSE WEIGHT
This seems logical, but it's really not the case. First off, some people truly have thyroid, adrenal, hormonal issues, or other health problems that make it very hard for them. Second, some people simply don't have the right mind set. This can be because of mental health issues, stress, or laziness. Yes, I said that. There are some people that are really just lazy personalities that are not going to put forth the effort. Personally, I haven't had anyone like that walk through my door, but we all know them.
2. YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HELP YOU
This is the one that I come across a lot as a trainer and health coach. Clients come to me looking for an "accountability partner". It doesn's matter if it's a professional partner or a friend. No one can convince you or guide you to your goals if you aren't willing to hold yourself accountable. Now, having someone to help you clear the path and be supportive can really be very helpful. But don't confuse that with the fact that it is completely on you to follow through. You can have someone hold your hand, but not drag you.
3. THERE IS A PERFECT DIET
There is NOT a diet or exercise plan out there that is going to work for every person. If there was, someone would be really rich and no one would be overweight. I am not some kind of magician and no one else is either.
YOU already know what you need to do. You have to ask yourself why you are looking for the magic diet. In the end, most people are looking for the magic diet that is an easier diet. Unfortunately that doesn't exist.
4. NEW YEAR NEW YOU
The New Year Resolution diet is rarely going to work. Why? So many reasons. First, we are naturally driven to eat more in the colder months to pack on fat for survival and January is cold. It's also boring and you're stuck indoors. Summer is actually a better time to get healthy. We naturally eat lighter and are more active. It's much easier to take your mind off a craving and go outside when it's 85 than when it's 35. Also, Resolutioners often have the same resolutions every year and still don't put any actually planning into it. Weight loss takes some thought and planning. Which brings me to number 5.
5. ONCE YOU START IT'S EASY
IT IS NOT EASY
You have to be willing to be fully honest and realistic about the journey. The journey is fraught with frustration and pitfalls. It is not anyone's intention to fail. And I don't really like that word because, it sounds negative. Failing can be a learning experience. The reality is, we all let others down, we let ourselves down. Life gets in the way. In my experience, clients start out feeling hugely confident and after a week or two, they start making excuses as to why they can't make it in to see me. You need open, guilt-free communication with yourself and your "accountability partner". You have to be willing to say what is on your mind in your quiet moments. Those moments of frustration and reality. Telling the half truth to get a pat on the back is not going to help you meet your goals. You know when you are being honest with yourself.
YOU ARE IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL
I've said many times before, the secret is simply consistency in what you are doing. Find something that works and stick to it as best you can.
Nothing in life comes easy. You have to work hard to get ahead. Keep moving forward. Stay the course. Don't let anything hold you back.
Ok, you get the idea. What I'm trying to say here is, if you want to be healthy you have to make it a
CONSISTENT FOCUS IN YOUR LIFE.
I don't care if your path looks like this.
All of us have well worn paths that we are still on, some that didn't take us anywhere, and others that were once great paths, but not so much anymore.
Think about all nutritional plans that you have tried. Maybe some worked for a while, then didn't or the one the lasted about a day because eating kale for 6 meals a day was a little much.
You tried the diet that helped Betty Sue in HR lose 50 pounds. You lost 3.
Or the soda habit that you kicked 20 years ago. Way to go!
Exercise has changed as well. No more step aerobics or kickboxing.
Maybe you tried joining the millions of gym goers and spent an hour a day on the treadmill at 3.5 mph and a 4% incline for 5 years straight!
Just shoot me!
Crossfit was not your cup of tea. You hate getting "bulky".
Along the way, you changed as your life changed. You changed as fads changed.
The underlying concept is the consistency to keep health a priority in your life. Getting off track happens to the most healthy people. Even those that advocate health. Check out Gary Augustine Warren's story.
The more consistent the effort, the more success you'll see.
Jack Lalanne didn't eat sugar after the age of 15. What? Crazy control! And he was extremely healthy because of his dedication. His quality of life was envied by everyone.
My husband and I are healthy. We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we try to limit sugar and junk. We focus on protein to maintain muscle and workout at least 3 times per week.
We get off track, get stressed, eat crap and start to feel the effects.
We reset, get focused and start over.
It's a cycle because health is always a focus.
Find what works for you. Any diet will do, as long as you can and will be consistent. Any exercise will do, as long as you can and will be consistent.
STAY THE COURSE!
I have the secret to improving function in your life. Do you find it difficult to get up from the floor? Is sitting on a low seat something you avoid? Are you in trouble if the elevator stops working? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you need to hear this secret.
Do the thing that is hard over and over again! Too simple right? No, it is that simple. I get asked these types of questions all the time from clients about how to make getting up from the floor or getting off the couch easier. I don't have a list of magic exercises. Simply practice these functional movements until they are easy.
Get in your uncomfortable zone! Don't avoid the things that are hard, do them until they aren't difficult anymore. Get in the floor and make yourself get up. If one time wears you out, rest and do it again later that day. Do it every day. If getting off the couch is an effort, get up, sit back down, get up, sit back down... See a pattern? Stairs are difficult for many people, so find a flight of stairs and make yourself go up them each day or use a single step into your house if that is all you can find.
This can apply to anything functional. Do you have trouble putting away things on the top shelf of your closet? Find something that is a reasonable weight and put up then take it down over and over. Get in and out of your car several times in a row. Practice good body mechanics getting dishes out of the dishwasher.
There is no need to struggle with day to day activities. You simply practice until you succeed. No fancy equipment or "exercise" needed. Functional movements can improve your functional movement.
I have discovered something that I really want to share with all of you. As most of you know, I am a bit analytical and I always want to know the why. So recently, I have been frustrated by several things in my life. One was poor libido and overall blah sex. It was like things didn't FEEL the same and I couldn't get my head in the game! Also, I was more moody and overall less excited by everything in life. One odd thing to add to it, was just feeling tight and uncomfortable all the time. It was like I was stuck in someone else's tight body. I started to blame hormones. Why not? As women we tend to blame them, and often it is part or all the the issue. But, the results of my hormone panel wasn't anything remarkable, except for low testosterone (always has been). My Vit D was a bit low so maybe that was part of it. Well, I can tell you that supplementing Vit D and DHEA for testosterone didn't help AT ALL!
I started doing some research and I came across something that I couldn't believe that I hadn't figured out before. Years ago, I struggled more with anxiety and was prescribed a variety of anti-depressants (SSRI's- increase serotonin and decrease dopamine) that never helped at all. Then I tried Wellbutrin. It was the only one that worked. It boosted my libido to the max, sex was amazing and I was super happy. The downside was, it made me more anxious and I only slept a few hours a night. So of course I stopped it. Here is the interesting part. When I was researching Wellburin, I found out that it is not an SSRI, it increases dopamine not serotonin. In general most people are prescribed SSRI anti-depressants, which are known to smother libido. Which makes sense considering dopamine is the highest right before orgasm and is crucial for arousal.
At this point, I decided I needed to research the possible supplements that could safely raise my dopamine level. There are several, but I chose L-Tyrosine, which is an amino acid. Here is the science behind that. When you ingest L-Tyrosine from protein or a supplement, it is turned into L-Dopa and then dopamine. Some is then turned further into norepinephrine or epinephrine. What the heck are those? Well, they are all neurotransmitters that are responsible for fight or flight and feelings of general well-being. They are basically stimulants. Those seeking a stimulant high may seek meth or cocaine to get a super boost in dopamine and a feeling of euphoria. Dopamine also relaxes muscles and is prescribed to those with Parkinson's tremors.
All pretty interesting right? Don't we all want to have a bit more of that? Not necessarily. Too much dopamine, epinephrine and norepinephrine can cause high blood pressure. Interestingly, beta blockers block epinephrine, so if you are on beta blockers or have high blood pressure, this probably isn't for you.
So here is my story on how I dosed and how it worked. L-Tyrosine has an immediate effect. The dosing called for taking 500 mg. Wait 30 minutes. If I felt nothing significant, take another 500 mg and wait 30 minutes. I did feel something the first 30 minutes. Kind of a medicated high type feeling, but I went ahead and took another 500 mg. I had the option of taking a final dose, but I chose not to. Then I could take that dosage up to 3 times per day! I am now taking 1000mg in the morning and at noon. I have only been doing this for 4 days. I cannot believe all the things that are changing. Let's just say, that the sex issue is no longer an issue. I don't feel moody at all and I just feel really happy. Just sitting here typing, I feel really joyful. My tightness is gone and I have noticed a huge difference in my performance at crossfit. It is like my muscles don't get fatigued and crampy anymore.
I am so amazed that I wanted to be very personal and share this with all of you. If you know something isn't right in how you feel, don't give up. I started to think that I was a bit crazy with all the strange things going on and nothing seemed to help. It might have taken some research on my part, but it all makes so much sense. Life can be hard and stressful, but don't ever underestimate the affect of your brain chemistry and hormones on your ability to control stress and have pleasure in your life. I hope this helps.
As a disclaimer, I recommend speaking with your doctor before starting any supplements.
I had the opportunity to work at a physical therapy clinic that treated pelvic floor dysfunction and incontinence for 3 years. It made me appreciate how frustrating and sometimes debilitating this issue can be. Some patients stopped leaving their homes for fear of having an "accident" in public. Having two children provided the opportunity to join the many other women who deal with the problem of leaking. The term that I hear floating around now is light bladder leakage or LBL. No matter what you call it, it sucks and is quite common. The information I am providing you is from my years working as a therapist treating this diagnosis and as a client who found success in treatment.
Let's start off with the dietary focus. There are many foods that can influence the body and act as diuretics. Some we know, such as caffeine and alcohol, but others include sugar, chocolate, spicy foods, and tomatoes. It was amazing the difference I saw in my clients that would decrease their caffeine or chocolate intake. Many times, it would almost alleviate the problem without any exercise. I found this to be true when I was having leaking during exercise. I was drinking a pre-workout that had caffeine and when I stopped, my stress incontinence was cut in half. You should not underestimate how much diet change can help.
Now on to exercise. Kegel exercises have been around for a very long time, but most women are doing them incorrectly. Check out this video for the proper way to progress through a pelvic floor exercise program.
Finally, there are some other simple things to think about when it comes to how to actually urinate properly. I know you were potty-trained a very long time ago, but what if I told you that you were probably doing it all wrong! When you sit down to pee, make sure you are sitting upright yet relaxed instead of leaning forward. Don't push the urine out. You want your pelvic floor muscles to relax and allow all the urine to empty the body. Make sure and sit there until this happens. Don't act like you have something more pressing to do. Let nature take it course. One very important thing to avoid is stopping the urine midflow. This is one of the worst things you can do. It teaches the body to retain urine versus fully emptying the bladder. When should you actually go the the bathroom? Not when you don't need to go. "Everyone go to the bathroom before we leave." We've all done it, but it is not good. Again it teaches the body bad habits. Go to the bathroom only when your bladder is fairly full. This can be difficult if you are struggling with urinary frequency or urgency. You want to go the the bathroom when you have an opportunity to avoid the possible accident. I get it, but try as often as you can, especially when at home, to wait.
If you don't find success in trying these things, you should talk to your doctor about it. Sometimes the pelvic floor has fallen significantly or there are other medical issues that require additional treatment.
Anything and everything health and wellness.